I admit that talking to folks who don’t read or write erotic romance can be…challenging. I don’t have an easy temper on my best of days. As I push to the end of a deadline and endure some other life challenges, my temper isn’t at its best. So imagine my teeth-gnashing when I’m asked by well-meaning, if uninformed, people if I write “that smut” or “bodice rippers.” Um, no. It’s called erotic romance. Unless my characters are visiting a Renaissance festival, no one in my current or upcoming releases are going to be wearing a bodice at all. Geez!

I tend to wonder if, when these people are playing golf, does everyone automatically assume they are nearsighted hacks? Or when they’re doing crossword puzzles, does everyone else know by osmosis that they’re IQ-challenged nimrods? Most of all, I wonder why books about monogamous, if very sexy, relationships are smut.

And frankly, why is it that any book by women and for women that contains more than chaste kisses is automatically dissed and assumed to be frivolous and badly written?

Then to top it off, men have snickered and asked if I write “female porn.” After I’m done rolling my eyes, it’s always on the tip of my tongue to challenge them to read the first fifty pages. I’m pretty sure I’d…get a rise out of them; that isn’t the question. But I’d like to say that, if after 50 pages they don’t care what happens to the characters, they can call my books whatever they want. If they do care about the characters, then I wish they’d shut the hell up. But my husband forces me to use my dormant ladylike instincts and swallow such a challenge, damn him. I’d probably shock them anyway.

Someday, though… Watch out!

I ran across this several weeks ago, while hanging out online with some really fun readers. It’s too good not to share. For what it’s worth, I ran these past my husband, and he completely validated them. Enjoy!

International Rules of Manhood

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella

2: It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss’ car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into “The Crying Game”.
e. When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy’s fridge is forbidden. However, complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy’s birthday is strictly optional.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who’s playing.

10: You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she’s officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach and it’s delivered by a topless supermodel…and it’s free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don’t let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Not negotiable. Issue closed.

15: If a man’s fly is down, that’s his problem, you didn’t see anything!

16: Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they
demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober
enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that’s just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you’d better be talking about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she’s withholding sex pending your response.

21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a. Yeah, baby, push it!
b. C’mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!

22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing (i.e.
Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc.) For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly “just a friend” have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you’re feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.

25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

26: Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

27: The girl who replies to the question “What do you want for Christmas?” with “If you loved me, you’d know what I want!” gets an Xbox 360. End of story.

28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men’s Gymnastics. Ever.

With the release of BOUND AND DETERMINED, life has been a whirlwind lately! Late last month, a very kind bookseller I’ve known for years, Debbe France, threw me a booksigning birthday party, complete with cake decorated like my cover.
It made me feel terribly special. But that’s not all.

The reviews! Gosh, my head is swelling with all the praise. I knew I loved the book when I wrote it, but wow! A Romantic Times Top Pick, a Just Erotic Romance Gold Star, a Romance Reviews Today Perfect 10! People saying the book will take readers on the wildest ride of their lives, that falling in love should be this much fun, that it’s flawless, has impeccable timing. One reviewer said she missed the adventure, intrigue and characters that only I can pen. I’m just flabbergasted! And okay, feeling a little nervous about the pending release of the follow up, STRIP SERACH. But that worry is for another day…

But there’s MORE. I’ve been asked to speak to groups online. I was invited to Los Angeles (back to my home!) to speak to a group of writers there in May. Readers have been emailing me to tell me they loved the book. My editor says that book sellers have been singing the book’s praises. It’s amazing! I even saw recently a writing group’s monthly newsletter in which one of their members said that she had to pinch herself when she realized that I was talking to her and knew her name. LOL.

It’s like the Twilight Zone and the Outer Limits are having a tug of war with my life. It’s just surreal!

Then… real life intrudes. Copyedits for STRIP SEARCH arrive and throw me off of deadline for GOOD TO BE BAD (which may become TO PROTECT AND SERVICE again…) Another attack of allergies brings me another joyous sinus infection. My day job is FULL of stress these days. The laundry is piled high, my family is hungry and looking at me to solve the problem, and I’m still behind on my deadline.

If this is part of being a star, um…it’s a bit overrated.

So I’ve been working on my first title for Berkley Heat, GOOD TO BE BAD, for a few months now, and I’m getting close to being finished. This is a totally new kind of book for me in some ways. It’s erotic but it’s still a romance. It’s the equivelent of the new frontier in my life.

But like all new ventures, nothing is easy. I’m being picky. Every chapter is a challenge. I keep dabbling and fixing and re-reading trying to get it just so. It’s new chapter avoidance, I confess it. I only have 3 left, you see, and it’s always easier to fix words that are already written than to create new ones, so I’ve been very remiss in starting those last few chapters. Every time I sit down to plow into a new scene, I consider bringing a gun with me in case I feel the urge to shoot my computer.

But like Scarlett, I need to remember that tomorrow is another day. Maybe I’ll finish and feel good about leaving the firearm and ammo downstairs then.

Dusting off the blog cobwebs to bring you a HOT new release. You won’t want to miss this one:

Faerie princess Trista had the perfect plan–fool King Braedon of Greenbriar into thinking her sister, Solara would not marry him, thereby freeing Solara and allowing her sister to marry the man she really loved. Only the plan backfired and their father promised Trista to Braedon instead! Braedon is cold and barbaric, but within his outer shell of indifference lurks a man filled with passion. Trista intends to break his protective layers of ice until she uncovers the heat within him. She will make him choose her for love or there will be no marriage at all.

Braedon doesn’t care which sister he marries, needing the union only to unite their lands and keep Greenbriar safe from the wizards. Love causes nothing but death and heartbreak. But Trista creates havoc within Greenbriar, her mischievous spirit causing an uproar as she demands his attention in disconcerting ways. He fights the lust burning within him, afraid to love the faerie who torments him with her sensual magic.

For Trista has brought energizing life back into Greenbriar. And with life comes love and with love comes danger.

Ellora’s Cave has a lot of great books and Jaci is one of the best! Go forth and read!

Shelley